Jobs, Jobs, JOBS!!!

Pets, Pets, PETS!!!
Application Form

Ya like cats? Pets! Ya like snakes? Pets! Ya like platypuses, and peacocks, and piranhas of every color? Pets, Pets, PETS!!! Los Suelos’ premiere (and only) 24-hour pet store is seeking young, entrepreneurial spirits to join our eclectic team.
Interested candidates should fill out the application form below and return it to Pets, Pets, PETS!!! at 23 Orion View Rd, Los Suelos, CA. Applicants must have a proven ability to multitask and adapt to rapidly changing inventory in a fast-paced environment. Prior experience with animals is preferred; flexible availability is a MUST. Please include the phrase “Mot juste” in your application to show you are paying attention.

I am going to present you with some hypothetical scenarios. Please:

Describe (1) your Action Response and (2) your Emotional Response with ONE word each; the first to come to mind. You are granted an allowance of three extra words across all answers (for those entries that need them). Then, on a scale of 1-3, with 1 being the lowest and 3 being the highest, identify the magnitude to which you feel your Emotional Response.

You step on a camouflaged animal by accident. You look down and find that it is a chameleon, mortally wounded. In pain. Beyond saving.

You find two incompatible animals cross-breeding in the backroom. You try to stop them, but one pleads to you with its eyes. “Please, Sir.” / “We are in love.”

A caged coyote starts screaming in the background while you’re trying to help a customer.

It is the midnight shift and you are alone in the store. A delivery man arrives with a crate of rare, Brood X cicadas. They will not stop shrieking but will undoubtedly sell for a fortune. You check the ledger. There is no such delivery slated for today.

A tall blonde man in sunglasses tries to recruit you for his “union.” Promises money in exchange for your reputation.

A customer tells you they thought “anchovy” was a type of vegetable.

A customer tells you they want to see the manager. You were promoted last night. You are the manager.

Have you ever…


Are you able to work on the following holidays? If a relevant holiday has been omitted, please pencil it in.

Thank you for your interest! Please slide the form into our application box and expect a response in a few to several weeks.

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Aaraf Afzal

Aaraf Afzal was invented in Dhaka, Bangladesh, at some point in the early ‘90s. His work spans a multitude of mediums, from superhero fiction to short films to video essays and beyond. He is the author of dystopian novel Re: Revolution, and completed his second sci-fi/ fantasy manuscript The Great Will of the Universe as his CalArts MFA Thesis. He lives with his partner.